PDF What Brothers Think, What Sistahs Know About Sex: The Real Deal On Passion, Loving, And Intimacy

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Why is that? For that reason you would undergo death or death-like suffering, but you would not on that account, at the break-up of the body, after death, fall into deprivation, the bad destination, the abyss, hell Rather, it inspires lack of faith in the faithless and wavering in some of the faithful. The most common formulation of Buddhist ethics are the Five Precepts and the Eightfold Path , which say that one should neither be attached to nor crave sensual pleasure.

These precepts take the form of voluntary, personal undertakings, not divine mandate or instruction. The third of the Five Precepts is "To refrain from committing sexual misconduct. Fornication, or sex outside of marriage, is seen as a violation of the 3rd precept from the Five Precepts in all schools of Buddhism. According to the Theravada traditions there are some statements attributed to Gautama Buddha on the nature of sexual misconduct.

In Everyman's Ethics , a collection of four specific suttas compiled and translated by Narada Thera , it is said that adultery is one of four evils the wise will never praise. According to some Tibetan authorities, the physical practice of sexual yoga is necessary at the highest level for the attainment of Buddhahood. It is only permitted after years of training. The founder of the sect Tsongkhapa did not, according to tradition, engage in this practice, but instead attained complete enlightenment at the moment of death, that being according to this school the nearest possible without sexual yoga.

The school also taught that they are only appropriate for the most elite practitioners, who had directly realized emptiness and who had unusually strong compassion. The next largest school in Tibet, the Nyingma, holds that this is not necessary to achieve Buddhahood in one lifetime. Among Buddhists there is a wide diversity of opinion about homosexuality. Buddhism teaches that sensual enjoyment and desire in general, and sexual pleasure in particular, are hindrances to enlightenment , and inferior to the kinds of pleasure see, e. The third of the five precepts admonishes against "sexual misconduct"; however, "sexual misconduct" is a broad term, subject to interpretation according to followers' social norms.

Early Buddhism appears to have been silent regarding homosexual relations. Some later traditions feature restrictions on non-vagina sex, though its situations seem involving coerced sex. Conservative Buddhist leaders like Chan master Hsuan Hua have spoken against the act of homosexuality. The situation is different for monastics. For them, the Vinaya code of monastic discipline bans all sexual activity, but does so in purely physiological terms, making no moral distinctions among the many possible forms of intercourse.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. The relation between Buddhist theory and practice and sexuality. Dharma Concepts. Buddhist texts. Buddhism by country. See also: Tantra techniques. Main article: Buddhism and sexual orientation. Retrieved Buddhist Ethics: The Path to Nirvana. Wisdom Pubns; New Ed edition. Critical Terms for the Study of Buddhism. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press. New Jersey: Rutgers University Press. Access to Insight.


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Archived from the original on Retrieved 18 August BuddhaNet Magazine. This is most certainly the way it was taught in my house, too. I remember distinctly when I was a little boy, probably around age eight or so, standing there waiting for my mother to pull on her coat for our bus ride downtown. Because that was what I was supposed to do. Indeed, that is what every man is supposed to—and is willing to do—for the people for whom he professes and provides. Once he says he cares about you, you are a prized possession to him, he will do anything to protect that prized possession.


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  5. Let me talk to him right quick. There is not a real man living who will not protect what is his. Maybe even hurt somebody, despite the consequences. And we all know that would not be a good situation. And the next time that man came by the house, my father was there waiting for him. Now, that may seem a little extreme, but this is what real men do to protect the ones they love. A man who truly cares about or loves you can and will protect you in other ways, whether it be with advice, or stepping up to perform a task that he thinks is too dangerous for you to do.

    I am not. Nonetheless, she put on all the equipment and began to descend into the water. She knew that I was acting up. She understands that primal need I have to make sure nothing bad happens to her. No sir. No more of that. My philosophy for having a good time is that you have to have a good time and return home in one piece so you can tell everybody about your good time. This, by the way, is how our fathers did it, and their fathers, and their fathers, too—to the best of their natural ability and with the help of God, even in the most adverse times when protecting and providing and even professing were neither easy nor, in the case of black men, allowed.

    This much you can believe. You need stuff. Lots of it. Now the four of them combined? They got you covered. The ugly one? You know what you gonna get from him. See, the gay guy gives you all the conversation you need smile. Four guys, supplying each of your needs should bring you happiness. Now men, by contrast, are very simple creatures. What we need never weakens or wavers—hardly ever gets more demanding or harder to achieve. You just call it something else: nurturing. So those three things come natural to you. And this is all your man wants from you. Let me break it down.

    You have to understand that when we walk out the door, the entire world is standing at the ready to beat us down. Black, white, yellow, striped, every man leaves the house ready to battle. In other words, a man is constantly on the lookout, sizing up the next man, standing at the ready to defend his and all of his gains that would include you.

    So when we walk back in our house, we want to be able to let our guard down. Thank you for making it happen for us. This family needs you and wants you and is happy to have you. Plain and simple. It simply comes from the heart: Thank you, baby. I appreciate you. But for men, love is loyalty. We want you to show your love to us by being loyal. To men, they are one and the same. If your loyalty is real and unimpeachable, that man will kill concrete for you. We love it.

    We need to be physically engaged with the woman we love, the woman who is loyal to us and supports us, and the way that we do that is by making love. But please understand: the way we men connect is by having sex. Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. But the rest of us men? We need sex like we need air. You got about a good month at best without it. Messing with their loyalty—their colors? Man, not nary a day. You can play your man short if you want to. Hell is no longer an option for me. If I start messing around, I might have a stroke and miss out on my homegoing.

    She liked watching television. He liked to have sex. She was always too tired to have sex. He was tired of not having sex. So while she unwound to her favorite shows, he unwound out of the house—with another woman. But as a man, I can understand the logic behind what he eventually ended up doing. That means that if a man sees his woman had a hard day and she could stand some more help around the house to make the evenings go more smoothly, her man needs to step up his game.

    If she cooks, he does the dishes. If she gets the kids off to bed, he gets his wife off in bed by setting the mood—straightening up, running her a bath, letting her settle in with a glass of wine, whatever it takes to make it clear to her that having sex with the woman he loves is not only a release, but an act of love. And she, perhaps, will be more willing to reciprocate—not with annoyance, but with the sheer giddiness in knowing how it feels to feel wanted. But understand that no man is going to wine and dine his wife every night in order to have sex with her. Every man needs that from his woman.

    Every last one of us.

    But what we really need from you when our day goes bad is those three things. The cookie. Those four words can mean only two things to men: either we did something wrong or, worse, you really literally just want to talk. But even more? But seriously? Which one? I got it from that store across town? On sale? The same day I found those shoes at the store just down the street? I wore that shirt to work a few weeks ago and she complimented me on it and next thing I know, she ran to the store and bought my shirt and is wearing it to work!

    Can you believe it? Do you know how that made me feel? Are you serious? How you felt at work while you had to sit there with this other woman on the other side of the room with the same blouse on is irrelevant to us. In our mind, problem solved—no more talking. Let a little boy fall off his bike and scrape his knee—see how fast everyone tells him to get up and shake it off and stop all that doggone crying.

    Go ahead, I dare you to try it for yourself. Please understand and respect the return. But you, not so much. What you like and how you like it seemingly shifts from day to day, sometimes even moment to moment. If we get it right, great. A lot of times, the more inexperienced of us men are going to completely screw it up. We also know that you may just want to lie in our arms and cuddle and talk it out with absolutely no resolution. We are capable of doing this, too. But it can be done.

    We know that sitting and listening and even participating in a long conversation about your feelings is necessary and inevitable. Detailed conversation is what you have with your girlfriends. For men, that means that every once in a while, they may have to sit and be still and just listen. So I asked the lady how old she was; she said she was forty-two. Blew me away. Then I asked her how many kids she had. He clearly had plans for this lady. You could tell just by the way he was leaning into her, hanging on her every word.

    I knew what he was trying to get to. But clearly, she had no clue. He knows that I know. Now tell him how many kids you got and watch his reaction. He had a good job, he appeared intelligent. My cohost just laughed and laughed and asked me how I knew all of this. Please highlight this part right here so you can always remind yourself the next time a man steps to you: a man always wants something.

    He knows he can get you to the bed with minimal effort. No, that price is out of my range. The things that come out of his mouth are usually, if not always, on point and make me think. Where is this going? He tasted blood. Clearly, he had a plan that was different from what she wanted. Because now, you do: he wants to sleep with you. And then you can move on. There is no greater peace. This, I think, is a great analogy for how men seek out women. See, men are, by nature, hunters, and women have been put in the position of being the prey. But the question always remains: once we hook you, what will we do with you?

    And the way we separate the two is very simple, as I explain next. For sure, as soon as she lets a man know through words and action that he can treat her just any old kind of way, he will do just that. Men will stand in line to sign up for that, believe me. See, she understands her power and wields it like a samurai sword. She commands—not demands—respect, just by the way she carries herself.

    Where you stand in our eyes is dictated by your control over the situation. I like to think that the way you play this situation is much like how you climb the ladder at work. Think about it: dating is a lot like a business; the best way to become successful is to master and control things you have control over. My success in getting to be one of the Kings of Comedy was based on my desire and ability to control my product—my performance—which ultimately made me exactly who I wanted to be.

    And doing that got me exactly what I wanted—success. You control what you can control—your image, the way you conduct yourself, the way you let men talk to and approach you—and use that to get the relationship you want. Your comments may lead him to talk about why he works out, which could lead to a meaningful conversation about a mutual interest you both have for staying in shape.

    If this is the case with this man, then let him walk—what do you care? But when it comes to your relationships with the opposite sex, all of that goes out the window; you relinquish your power and lose all control over the situation—cede it to any old man who looks at you twice. Just because he happened to look at you twice. He plans trips and cancels them.

    Any woman in this situation should just leave that guy alone. That guy right there? Read on: A woman who commands respect is a keeper; a woman who lets men get away with disrespecting her is a throwback. A woman who is dressed appropriately—has her goodies reasonably covered, but is still sexy, is a keeper; a woman who is scantily clad and dripping sex is a throwback.

    A woman who shows her appreciation for all that you do for her is a keeper; a woman who acts like nothing you do can make her happy is a throwback. A woman who is loyal is a keeper; a woman who always has her eye out for the next best thing is a throwback. Some of the questions are extremely sad, some of them are so surprising they make you want to clutch your chest, and some of them just make you shake your head and wonder how the person asking for advice made it through. She calls on him to do everything.

    She calls my house late at night and I can hear her through the phone, screaming at him about something that she may not have agreed on. She calls on him for money, to paint her house, to pick her up from the movies, to cook for special occasions, and even wash her clothes. What prompted me to write this letter is the fact that it is now P. I had plans to spend time with my husband tonight, but once again, his mother got in the way. My kids and I are often put on the back burner because he is always doing something for his mother. I need him to be a man and take control. Let me tell you why a man will get up out of a warm bed with a beautiful naked woman in it, pull on his clothes, grab his keys, and get in his car at P.

    Look, I already told you how this works: a man who loves you will be the man you need him to be if you have requirements—standards you set to make the relationship work the way you want it to. The only thing you have to do is establish the rules, say them out loud early in the relationship, and make sure he sticks to them. You must put me and our kids after God and above all others. Be clear to everyone involved in our lives that they will respect your relationship—and me.

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    Men cannot read minds, and we are completely incapable of anticipating what you want. So you have to speak up. Her blood courses through his veins. But you most certainly can work with your man and his mom by controlling what you do have control over—by using your powers to set standards and requirements that he needs to abide by as the two of you work to create a family or to blend your families together.

    If you choose to go over there, then you need to stay over there for the night. Leaving a woman and children in the house at a quarter to eleven at night—whether to bake cookies or go to the strip club—is unacceptable if that woman thinks it is. His mother may not be happy about this, but what would you care? He recognizes pretty early on that the support he gets from his mother— clothes, housing, education, nurturing, and so on—needs to come to an end when manhood is full throttle, and that if he is to have a true, loving, lasting relationship with a woman, he needs to cut the proverbial umbilical cord from his mom so that he can give life to his new family—his own family.

    All you have to do is speak up. I need you to be the head of this family. Not so much for women. Now I get it! And who could argue with that? But let a man step out on his woman, and watch the earth move. Cheating is not one of them. Now, we men? We understand this.

    Buddhism and sexuality

    Still, we do it. Rather, this is my humble attempt to explain to you why a man might go on ahead and get a little something on the side, and what you can do to cut down the chances that your man will do this to you. Men cheat because. For a lot of you, the act of intercourse is emotional—an act of love. By contrast, when it comes to men and sex, neither emotions nor meaning necessarily enter the equation. Sex can be a purely physical act for us—love has absolutely nothing to do with it.

    Should I consent so that a potential for sneaking around can be eliminated? What can I do to get him to change his thinking—if anything? It was something that may have made him feel good physically, but emotionally, his heart—the professing, providing, and protecting he saves for the woman he loves—may be at home with his woman. Trust me when I say this: under this situation, plenty of men would easily justify their getting some from somewhere else. Neither he, nor any other man, for that matter, is going to go without sex too long.

    You see it as betrayal. Men see it as just a way to get tightened up, especially if.

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    Of course, men will consider the risks of getting caught cheating on his lady. I used to do a joke where I would encourage men to ride their lie all the way out. A man who cheats has most certainly calculated the collateral damage that would come from getting busted—potential loss of the woman he loves, his children, his home, and his peace of mind—and he recognizes that this would be a devastating blow to all the things that matter in his life. And in the beginning, mostly, you will. You may think this is a cop-out, but it is the reality.

    And so creep he will. The same can be true, even, of a man who is married with children. But only he can put his house in order. And that moral code will automatically make him put family second, because this is what a relationship with God demands. Sometimes men wise up without God in their lives. His philandering stopped cold.

    Casual Sex Vs Passionate Love Making - Real Talk Episode 30

    And this man is missing the spark that used to be there. Yes, these are the women who have no standards and requirements and who suffer from serious selfesteem issues, making themselves willing to cheat and available to be cheated on. And then teach all of this to your daughters, too. Because holding on to that baggage can be paralyzing; it can cripple you and keep you from performing in your next encounter. You do that by upping the ante on your requirements. And if he breaks that promise and steps out anyway?

    Now sometimes, it takes a man to lose something or nearly lose something to really appreciate it. But he may eventually earn your trust back and be willing to work through it with you. Trust me, I know. It happens to a lot of men. Such a man may exist but I have not met him.

    But I do know men of power who have learned to do right, go home, and take care of their families. Each one of them eventually gets to that. I certainly have; now, I carry my behind home. I had to come to this, though. And guess what? And their wives? She might come home from work and instead of kicking off those heels, keep them on and whisper in his ear to meet her in the bedroom for a predinner snack.

    Or she might smile a little more, act a little bit more happy, be a tad bit more spontaneous—appreciate her man more, and show it, too. This was certainly the story of one of my really good friends. Dude was miserable. I mean, he was losing weight. And I want them back.

    Any married man can look at him and see how to get it done. And you know what? He goes home every night. She is just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She loves the Lord.

    Interpreting Your Personal Love Dreams | Exemplore

    And she cares for, respects, and adores me deeply. It started while I was doing a show in Memphis. She walked in with another attractive woman. I knew right then and there we were going to be married some day of course, this was really more of a hope than a certainty—smile. Maybe she knew it, too, or at least liked what she saw because even though she disappeared the night I informed her of my plan, she showed up two nights later at another show of mine, and this time, I asked her to come backstage and talk for a while.

    She agreed, and we became fast friends, and even dated for a spell. But eventually, we both went our separate ways. Still, Marjorie and I always remembered the friendship we had together, and we reached out to check up on each other from time to time. But, even though I knew I was in love with this woman and that she loved me, I was still connected to some women friends I had developed after my divorce, when I had really started dating again.

    I should have known better, though. And sure enough, late that night, when I got up to go to the bathroom— it was about A. She was going to leave me—leave us. Her response made me realize right then and there, in the middle of that hallway, in the middle of the night, that she was The One. I got these kids, I have a good life, and I want a man who will come in and complete my family. I realized right then and there, in that hallway, that I wanted no other.

    In other words, I became the man she needed me to be because she had sense enough to have requirements—standards that she needed in her relationship in order to make the relationship work for her. If you want NextDay, we can save the other items for later. Yes—Save my other items for later. No—I want to keep shopping. Order by , and we can deliver your NextDay items by. In your cart, save the other item s for later in order to get NextDay delivery. We moved your item s to Saved for Later. There was a problem with saving your item s for later.

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